LATE NIGHT THOUGHTS
Nightmares the worst feeling for me. Nightmares are so disturbing, destructive, full of anxiety that it messed up my sleeping schedule. It's in your imagination what you see, what thing are you afraid to, what you feel, do you have any traumatic memory, any thing that happen to you which changed your life upside down? Any experiences? If yes it is buried in your unconscious mind which is hard to overcome to something like that.
I have many which troubles me a lot I sleep in the morning when the sun starts to show up. Rest all the night time I just think about stuff, write, draw, as many things I can do. The reason to not sleep in the night is my nightmares,I'm afraid to sleep in nights. What the starting step to sleep? Closing your eyes, but as soon as I close my eyes things started to appear in my mind. Many things which people might not able to imagine. Something which have been always keep chasing me. A shadow, something that is so strange as if that thing know me for a long time, I feel that it have been around for so many years and keep on following me. At first, I didn't feel it, but again and again it kept showing up and leaving some sensation of itself. I can not see it or hear it but feel it. My nightmares are just like that I can not see my nightmares but feel it without hearing it. Those dreams kept on repeating in my mind since along time. I had a dream of my parental grandpa which is no more in this world. It was a very strange dream I saw him or maybe feel it as if he is saying to me something but I cannot hear a word and then he suddenly disappeared. But I can feel that he was saying something about me and my mother to be safe and be happy something like that. It's getting worse and worse day by day. I feel like it's so hard to live everyday as I am growing up. Everyday is a new challenge to face. Sometimes it goes smoothly and sometimes gives me a hard time.
Every time I got a new challenge at first I am afraid to accept it but then things go like I have to go through it otherwise I''ll have to give a penalty. This penalty will be transform me and my life into something which is more harder to live and a lonely road where no one have been through. Things are always have been like that with me. It makes me feel like I am a totally different person now than my past. I always wish to have my past back to me as it was. Happy, full of hopes, bright, ambition. I have struggle it alone for so long. Now even if I need someone I am not able to say it to anyone or I just don't want to forget that past habit that I can do anything alone I don't need nobody. But that's is not the case. You at least need a single person which can makes you feel full, not a partner but anyone maybe a friend, teacher, parent, siblings, anyone.
Some movements make me feel like:
I have many which troubles me a lot I sleep in the morning when the sun starts to show up. Rest all the night time I just think about stuff, write, draw, as many things I can do. The reason to not sleep in the night is my nightmares,I'm afraid to sleep in nights. What the starting step to sleep? Closing your eyes, but as soon as I close my eyes things started to appear in my mind. Many things which people might not able to imagine. Something which have been always keep chasing me. A shadow, something that is so strange as if that thing know me for a long time, I feel that it have been around for so many years and keep on following me. At first, I didn't feel it, but again and again it kept showing up and leaving some sensation of itself. I can not see it or hear it but feel it. My nightmares are just like that I can not see my nightmares but feel it without hearing it. Those dreams kept on repeating in my mind since along time. I had a dream of my parental grandpa which is no more in this world. It was a very strange dream I saw him or maybe feel it as if he is saying to me something but I cannot hear a word and then he suddenly disappeared. But I can feel that he was saying something about me and my mother to be safe and be happy something like that. It's getting worse and worse day by day. I feel like it's so hard to live everyday as I am growing up. Everyday is a new challenge to face. Sometimes it goes smoothly and sometimes gives me a hard time.
Every time I got a new challenge at first I am afraid to accept it but then things go like I have to go through it otherwise I''ll have to give a penalty. This penalty will be transform me and my life into something which is more harder to live and a lonely road where no one have been through. Things are always have been like that with me. It makes me feel like I am a totally different person now than my past. I always wish to have my past back to me as it was. Happy, full of hopes, bright, ambition. I have struggle it alone for so long. Now even if I need someone I am not able to say it to anyone or I just don't want to forget that past habit that I can do anything alone I don't need nobody. But that's is not the case. You at least need a single person which can makes you feel full, not a partner but anyone maybe a friend, teacher, parent, siblings, anyone.
Some movements make me feel like:
"DEATH IS A NOT PAIN BUT LIFE IS"
-Cry me a Sad River (Min Ren)
Life gives you challenges in every single step you made. Life can be so cruel on you as a living hell. To live every day what do you do to gain strength? What gives you strength? Your past memories which are so beautiful, your loved ones, people for whom you care for. I want to know what death looks like? It could be more peaceful, escaping the reality is easier, no pain, no pressure, no nightmares, no stress, nothing. Just a like a book with blank pages that nobody sees.
So the real question is why and how death could be the solution? What makes you feel like that? Do you want help but don't know how to do it, stress, feel burdened on others, mental illness, so much of pain that you are not able to endure it or anything else? I have also thought and tried to suicide but was so afraid of the conclusion. Every time I close my eyes I say thousand things in a silent way. But don't know how to say it in the way people understand. I don't have words to explain my thoughts to anyone. If they can see through my eyes it's the best. My eyes says everything you want to know but no one catches it. I try to tell them but hesitation is the big factor of mine, that says I badly need help.
Just say I'm the best, no one can break my believes what I believes in, people can not judge you but it's you who can prove their judgments wrong, always think out of the box, if you are different than say it's a blessing from the god, if you are in pain just take it absorb it so that you can never be weak in that situation again, never let your thoughts control you, late night thoughts are not meant to be true, it's not easy to get a life so just say I will live thought the worse situation at any cost. I am alive because these things keep giving power to live.
Just say I'm the best, no one can break my believes what I believes in, people can not judge you but it's you who can prove their judgments wrong, always think out of the box, if you are different than say it's a blessing from the god, if you are in pain just take it absorb it so that you can never be weak in that situation again, never let your thoughts control you, late night thoughts are not meant to be true, it's not easy to get a life so just say I will live thought the worse situation at any cost. I am alive because these things keep giving power to live.
"DIFFICULT ROADS OFTEN LEADS TO BEAUTIFUL DESTINATION"
Comments
Post a Comment